Fractal
by Shibata Kimiko
Summary: The moment has arrived. Will the pilots live up to their time of trials? Alternate Universe. Chapter 1 is up.


_Breathe...just breathe. You've done this a thousand times before. If you can just finish this round of tests, you can go home and listen to that new CD you bought this morning..._

"Are you alright in there, Shinji?"

Shinji Ikari's head jerked up, his thoughts disrupted by the slightly concerned voice. He blinked, brown eyes refocusing on the inside of his test plug. He smiled slightly. "I'm fine, Dr. Akagi. Thanks for asking, though."

In the control room, Ritsuko Akagi smiled. He did a good job of faking, but she could tell that Shinji was nervous. This _was_ a big test, though, so his nerves were justified. "Alright. Just checking."

Shinji nodded, closing his eyes and trying once more to focus. If he could pass this final battery of Induction Mode tests, he would officially be placed on active duty as an Evangelion pilot. He'd been working toward this since he was six years old, ever since his father had asked him to give it a try. He'd been scared of it back then, and had tried to back out a few times, but each time he ended up coming back. He was 14 now, and he actually enjoyed piloting. It was a challenge, and it was something that helped him feel closer to his father, who was distant most of the time. The distance between them had been growing over the last few years, but this only made Shinji work harder at piloting. If this was the only thing that would earn him his father's praise, then Shinji was determined to be the best pilot they could possibly ask for.

As the test began, Shinji sat back comfortably in the plug seat, body loose and ready for action. He was confident in his own skills, and he was certain that he'd pass. He'd been working for this his entire life so far. He wasn't about to let himself fail now. As the first target came into view, he smiled slightly.

_Position the target in the center and pull the trigger..._

Four hours later, an exhausted and slightly depressed Shinji climbed out of the plug. He started mentally reviewing his mistakes as he trudged off toward the men's showers.

_I missed Secondary Equipment Supply Building 87, damnit. I knew where it was! I know I did! I just...forgot somehow! And then I missed the target with the pallet rifle and had to switch to Progressive Knife...talk about a rookie mistake. The umbilical cable got severed and I had to grab the backup from Charge Station 25...three buildings got destroyed before I could get a bead on the target again...I have to have failed. There's no way I passed, not with a horrible performance like that..._

After his shower, Shinji quickly dressed and headed up to the test room. He felt something like a condemned prisoner headed to the execution chair, really. He knew he'd failed. He'd still be on reserve, while Ayanami went on the active roster instead. He shook his head slightly. Things would turn out however they turned out. Worrying about it wouldn't do any good. He'd just go with the flow. It's what he always did.

To his surprise, Misato was waiting in the test control room with Ritsuko. It made sense for her to be there, though. She was his commanding officer as well as his guardian, after all. She had every right to know the results of the tests. Shinji stopped, gulping. "So...umm...how'd I do, Dr. Akagi?"

Ritsuko's face was deadly serious as she replied. "Shinji Ikari, as of 1435 hours today, you are on active duty, assigned to Evangelion Unit 01."

Shinji blinked once, stunned.

_I passed? Even with _that _performance? Wait...what am I complaining about? I passed!_

Slowly, a broad grin spread across Shinji Ikari's face. He'd woke up this morning thinking today would be average. Looks like he'd been wrong. It was starting to look pretty good.

: : : : : : : : : : : : : :

"In honor of the promotion of our Shin-chan to active status, I hereby propose a toast! To kicking butt!"

Shinji laughed, raising his glass as Misato grinned at him. He'd been living with her for the last three years, and at this point he was pretty much used to her outgoing and cheerful nature. Their other roommate, however, didn't seem to enjoy it. Rei Ayanami stared at her bowl of rice and vegetables, eating silently. Rei had moved in the week after he had, but Shinji had never been able to figure her out. She wasn't cold or anything, though he could see why kids at school thought that. It was more like the idea of trying to talk to other people confused her. He'd gotten her to open up a little bit since she'd moved in, but it was a struggle. She never really reacted to anything, and always gave the shortest and most literal answer possible. Shinji couldn't understand how she could be so bad at relating to other people...

Misato tapped Shinji on the head with her beer bottle. "Daydreaming, Shin-chan?"

Shinji laughed, embarrassed. "Umm...kinda, yeah. Sorry."

"What're you apologizing to ME for?" Misato laughed, downing half of her bottle in one gulp. "You just got one of your major goals today, Shinji! As far as I'm concerned you can do whatever you want tonight!"

Shinji laughed again, but his heart wasn't really in it. Misato's remark had uncovered a raw spot. He'd made the active duty roster. He'd done well on the test. But his father hadn't called to say congratulations or anything.

_Even that wasn't enough...I'm only piloting because of him. You'd think he could at least say "thanks" every once in a while..._

Misato noticed this downturn in Shinji's mood and frowned slightly. When she'd come to work for NERV five years ago, she hadn't expected to end up raising the two pilots. She quickly got to enjoy it, though. It was nice having a family around. Rei was quiet and stayed out of the way, and Shinji was happy to pitch in wherever he was asked to. But both of them seemed so...quiet. So reserved. It was like the faces they displayed to the world were just masks, each of them being an entirely different person inside. Moments like these were the only time it was really obvious, but the fact that they felt that need to hide worried Misato. She made a mental note to ask Dr. Akagi about some therapy for each of them.

_I wonder if it's wrong of me to be worried about them... they're both so mature, it's almost like they're adults already. But I _am _still their guardian, so it's my duty to worry. I just wish they'd talk to me..._

"So, Shinji...how's school going?"

Shinji shrugged, focused on his meal. "It's going fine, I guess. Nothing new."

Misato sighed. Shinji had been such an open kid once upon a time, but in the last few months it seemed like he was trying to avoid talking to her as much as possible. She turned to the home's other occupant, smiling. "How about you, Rei?"

Rei's reply was quiet and flat. She didn't even bother looking up. "I am passing all of my classes, Captain."

Misato smiled cheerily. "Well, that's great! It really amazes me sometimes, how well you balance school and training, Rei."

Rei continued eating silently, not responding to the compliment. Misato sighed. Rei was even more of a mystery than Shinji. All of them had been living together for three years now, but unlike Shinji, Rei had never opened up to Misato in any way. She kept entirely to herself, almost as if she didn't want to be here and was only putting up with it because she'd been ordered to. It made things pretty awkward, but at this point Misato was used to it. She sighed and went back to eating, realizing that neither of her wards was in a chatty mood tonight. Not that that was any different from usual...

All three of the apartment's occupants blinked in confusion as their phones rang in unison. A moment later, Misato's eyes widened as the "civil emergency" sirens began announcing a State of Emergency. She leapt up, already pulling on her uniform jacket.

"Shinji, Rei! Looks like it's the day we've been anticipating!" Her voice, far from being excited, was businesslike and slightly apprehensive.

Both pilots nodded, calm. Rei was the first to speak. "Unit 00 is still undergoing repairs, ma'am."

Misato nodded. "I know that, Rei."

She turned to Shinji, serious. "Are you ready?"

Shinji nodded, slightly tense. "Yes, ma'am."

Misato nodded back. "Okay, then. Let's go."

As they piled into Misato's car and headed toward NERV, Shinji sat in the back seat, nerves growing with every foot travelled.

_Am I really ready? Sure, I did fine in the tests, but that's probably not at all what the real thing's going to be like. What if I get trashed? What if I fail? I'm the only pilot with a working Eva, and this is my first time out. I can't afford to mess up..._

Misato made record time getting to NERV, screeching into the parking garage and sending several security guards running for cover. Shinji and Rei piled out of the car, Shinji headed for the Cages and Rei headed for the bridge, Misato following Rei. As Shinji changed, he started breathing deeply, trying to center himself for his first real battle.

_You'll be fine, Shinji...you're good at this. You know what you're doing. You shouldn't have any problems. Misato will be directing things, and she won't let you get hurt._

As he dashed across the umbilical bridge in front of his Unit 01, Shinji froze. A familiar figure was standing in the observation room behind the Evangelion's head.

"Father!"

Gendo Ikari turned, eyes narrowed slightly behind orange-tinted glasses. His voice was cold, almost forbidding. "Shinji."

Shinji flushed slightly, stammering. "Umm...I...I made the active duty roster today, Father! I'm going out right now!"

Gendo stared at his son, expression betraying nothing but annoyance. "Then why are you wasting time talking to me? You should be in the plug and synchronizing already. Don't spend valuable time on irrelevant small talk."

He turned, lift raising him back to the bridge. Shinji could do nothing but stare, crestfallen.

_He... he didn't care. He didn't even smile. He... he just brushed me off. Do I really mean that little to him?Am I really that __insignificant?_

Ritsuko ran out onto the umbilical cord, looking around frantically until her eyes locked onto the dismayed Shinji. She stalked over, clearly nervous under her calm exterior. "Shinji, what are you doing still out here? We need you to launch as soon as possible."

"I know, Ritsuko. I'm sorry." Shinji's reply was toneless as he trudged toward his plug seat. Ritsuko watched him go, worried.

_Something's wrong with him...I hope it doesn't impact his performance. There's too much riding on this._

On the bridge, Misato received the signal that Unit 01's plug was loaded and synchronized. She turned to the command dais, calm. "Final authorization to launch, sir?"

"Of course," Gendo replied, slightly dismissive. "If we don't defeat the Angels, we all die."

Misato nodded, turning back to the main screen. "Shinji, you ready?"

Shinji's face appeared in a video comm window, pale. "Y-yeah, Misato. I think so. I mean, now or never, right?"

Misato nodded, giving Shinji a small smile. "Right."

She turned to the bridge crew.

"Evangelion Unit 01, LIFT OFF!"

ON THE NEXT "FRACTAL": As Shinji Ikari heads off to battle, the hopes of everyone at NERV rest on his shoulders. Can he stand the pressure? Who is the mysterious transfer student coming to Tokyo-3? Why is Gendo Ikari being so harsh to his only child? The answers to these questions and more in the next episode! ANd don't worry, there'll be plenty of fanservice too!


End file.
